When Ben was a baby I couldn't wait for all of the firsts. First words, first steps, first "mommy". I just wanted him to grow up quickly because I didn't have the patience to wait to see who he would become. With Sam I find myself wanting him to slow down and take his time. I already see Ben stopping the kisses and hugs and snuggles. Wanting to exert his independence. Getting one step closer to moving away from his mother. And as Sam outgrows each little piece of adorable clothing, I almost mourn for its loss. With Ben, I always knew (or hoped) that another baby would wear these sweet little things. Now I know that someone else will, but that they won't be mine.
Don't get me wrong. I have no desire to have another child. But I can understand how some women begin to want to do it one more time. That is why I am still breastfeeding Sam at nine months. For most moms, this is not very long. For me it is a lifetime. And part of me is so happy that he is the last one I will HAVE to nurse. And part of me is sad that he is the last one I GET to. And so I continue. One more day. And another. And another. Maybe by the time he goes to college I will be ready to wean him.
Last Call
in portraits
Wow. I am TIRED. I LOVE photography, but I am tired of sitting in front of my computer all the time editing files and lugging my gear around for non-professional stuff. So for personal stuff, I bought a Canon 870 with some kick ass wide angle capabilities. It is tiny and portable and I am just going to point and shoot (like the above self portraits with Sam taken at the Farmer's Market on Saturday). I chose the camera based on the sage advice of 
Yesterday Ben and I went with Geni and her two youngest girls to a little town about an hour away called Gruene. I took a bunch of photos that I will post later, but this one just seemed to fit what I wanted to write about today, as does the town's slogan, which is "Gently Resisting Change Since 1872". This is a little story about the conversation Ben and I had this morning. As usual I was trying to get the boys out of the house and dressed in a hurry. As I was putting Ben's pants on, I was a little more abrupt that necessary, so I said "Sorry Ben. Mommy is just stressed". He said "I want Mommy to laugh". Okay. Heart falls to floor. I am officially a schmuck. So I stop and laugh and then he hugs me. I thanked him for reminding me about what was important in life. And then I rushed him out of the door to school.
Two weeks ago our nanny and friend, Meagan, came to live with us with her son Noah (who is 2.5) and her dog Sierra. If you had told me six months ago that someone would be living with us I would have scoffed at the idea. But the stars collided in this instance. Meagan was the right person and this was the right time. Privacy was a consideration, of course. But frankly, privacy goes out the door with two young children. And parenting can be such a lonely and isolating task. It makes it so much less lonely to do it with someone else during the day when Josh is at work.
I have tried thus far to guard her privacy and not tell too many stories out of school. But I told her that now that she has moved in, all bets are off. So these pages will be peppered with stories of Meagan and her posse in the future. One little gossipy bit is that the first week she moved in she got a new boyfriend. Yep. I am THAT good.
The fact that we love Meagan, Noah and Sierra makes it all the more special. And Meagan's love for my boys warms my heart. She is not only a wonderful person but an amazing caregiver as well. Her patience seems limitless (unlike some of us, aka ME). I have already learned so much from her good example, not to mention my increased intake of vegetables. AND she does dishes. Jealous, aren't you?