Back in 2004 I did an illustration for the now defunct Kitchen Sink magazine, which was based out of North Oakland. Our friend Laurenn McCubbin (whose fabulous wedding I shot in Las Vegas a few years ago) recruited me since she was the designer of the publication. I loved the idea of doing graphic illustrations for a change and did them for about six issues. Anyway, that is sort of a side issue. I did an illustration for an article about blogging and it has stuck in my mind ever since. I was particularly fond of the illustration I did (shown below) but I never thought the issue applied to me. After all I did not spend much time online and had no blog etc. Fast forward to 2012 and I think it applies to me as well as us all. Facebook and the internet in general have made my life so much easier. I can get in touch with and see what so many people are doing regardless of the distance. But I think it gives a false sense of community and belonging that through the years have worn on me and made me feel more isolated and lonely than I can ever remember feeling. Is the internet to blame for all of this? Of course not. Part of it is having children, part of it is working at home all alone, part of it is living in suburbia and everyone being so busy that seeing each other is difficult and part of it is moving out of state, far away from family and friends.
But I think social networking is a hollow victory for me. It is like being really thirsty and someone hands me a Coke. Yes it is cold and tastes good, but it doesn't really quench my thirst. And I find myself questioning my sense of self worth and sense of belonging by how many people "like" what I write or "like" the photo I posted (if you say you don't care about that stuff I cry FOUL). And it all just brings me back to an earlier time in my life when I did not like myself very much. I have worked too hard and come too far to go back there.
I may read your status updates and email back and forth with you, but for me it will never be a fulfilling substitute for in person community. I miss my twenties when we all lived nearby or just across the hall. When getting together every Friday night for dinner was a given. When I did not have to schedule dinner with a girlfriend six weeks in advance and then have to reschedule twice before it actually happens six weeks after that. I miss a life I will most likely never have again. But for now this internet thing is not cutting it for me.
What do you think? Am I alone in this feeling? Please share your thoughts. Anyone? Is anyone out there? Bueller?
