I have not been a great blogger lately. I just feel so overwhelmed lately. As if I am drowning in a sea of mud. Some days I feel so productive that I could conquer the world. Other days I feel like I am in some sort of medieval prison where I have been sentenced to a life of laundry, dishes and cooking (although let's face it, I really have many machines to help with these tedious chores, so it is a country club prison). It all just feels like so much maintenance—as if I am the proverbial hamster on the wheel, always moving, but never advancing. I feel so very, very stuck and alone in my stuckness. And I know I am not alone, that many other people feel this way. But it is as if we are all suffering in our parallel play, able to relate, but never able to really connect with each other in a tangible way. So I can feel their suffering, but never alleviate it because I am so immersed in my own. Last night I called Josh and said I just could not do it one more night. I could not cook or do the dishes or give the kids a bath. And he came home and did it all with no complaint and I am so very grateful. Not so much because he did those things—he is also their parent. But that I said this is what I need and he gave it to me. I am working on that lately. Asking for what I want and what I need. And it is helping, even if I do not get it, I at least put it out into the world.
I am uncertain where I am going with all this random thought. Just putting it down for the record. I will leave you with some photos of coffee. Perhaps I need more today, but it never seems like enough. It sure is beautiful though, isn't it? Maybe a reminder for me to look up from my computer and my iphone and start to really look and see all the beauty around me. Because it is there, silently waiting on me.
