First of all, I want to thank all of you who reached out and consoled me about Lula's passing. Your words meant a great deal to me. Grief is often a lonely state, so it was nice to hear such kinds thoughts for my welfare. It is a rough road when you miss someone (or some dog). It is nice to know that others see how hard it is. Josh left yesterday for his monthly trip to the mother ship in Palo Alto. It is a quick two day trip, but every single time he goes, something goes wrong. A kid gets sick, a car won't start, a trip to the ER is required. So yesterday, hours after he left, I got a flat tire. We have AAA and luckily it was flat at the house, so as far as these things go, it was only a mild inconvenience. But I was struck by how little I know about the car. Simple things like the year it was made and where the spare tire is located. I found myself telling the guy from AAA that my husband handles all that stuff. And I thought I would burst into flames at that exact moment for selling out my gender to the devil.
Growing up, my parents filled the traditional gender roles perfectly. Mom stayed home with the kids. She cooked, cleaned, ironed, did all of the childcare etc. My dad worked all day in the city in a suit and came home only to immediately pour himself a drink (I can still hear the ice clink against the highball glass) and relax for the rest of the evening. Meanwhile, Mom's day did not end. On Thanksgiving the women cooked and then cleaned the kitchen while he men all sat and watched football. I was overwhelmed by the inequality of it all and swore I would not live the same way.
For the most part Josh and my's relationship is much more equal vis a vis workload. But I still find that we occupy gender stereotypes as if it was still the 1950s. Josh handles the money, the cars, fixing things around the house, etc. I do the cooking, laundry, grocery shopping, etc. Childcare we share equally for the most part. I have no one to blame for these roles. I hate anything having to do with money, machinery and mechanics. As a girl, I was taught how to do indoor things while my brothers were taught to do outdoor things. My dad did try to teach me to change a tire about 20 times, but I was so not interested.
I don't know what to make of all of this, except just to notice this and be aware of it. I am trying to keep the boys from seeing these roles as fixed, but I fear that I fail in this regard. I do not want them to grow up and see me as the maid. That would suck.