People always think I am strong. They think I get what I want because I don't cowtow to other people's needs and desires. Boy are they wrong! I was raised by Southerners and no people can teach a woman that you're not supposed to rock the boat like they can. I have been a walking war zone between the part of me that thinks life would be easier if I would just submit and become the stereotype that is expected of me, and the 'authentic self' part of me who says "I can do whatever the fuck I want!" Needless to say, these are two VERY different approaches to living. These two sides battling it out for the past 38 years have left me exhausted. I even gave them both names (and no I am not a schizophrenic; and yes, I am under the care of a mental health professional) which I no longer remember. Part of me wants to be Martha Stewart and the other part wants to be Jane Campion. It just depends on what day you catch me on. On a busy day I can vacillate between the two a dozen times.So, if I send you a recipe for banana bread you'll know that the Martha side has prevailed. If I tell you I am busy making art and that you should go fuck yourself, well...you know the rest.