Sunday early morning, in what still felt like the middle of the night, the phone rang. It is always so jarring when the phone rings and you are asleep. But I knew who it was. It was a call I had been waiting for and I knew it meant that a new baby was coming into the world. For the third time in my life I wished I had packed a bag in advance (the first two being when I gave birth myself). So I scrambled to get my stuff together while Josh kindly made me some coffee. The boys woke up shortly after we did and Josh informed them that I was going to photograph, "a brand new baby is coming into the world today". Sam said, "In a diaper?" And Ben said, "Mommy's do not have diapers in their tummies. Unless they eat one." Births are amazing events to photograph. Of everything I document, they are by far the most intimate moment in people's lives. I am always touched when people ask me to be there and capture their baby's arrival. I think it takes courage and confidence to allow someone in your life at such a vulnerable moment. I could not have done it. I was too insecure about giving birth.
When I was in a mom's group in Berkeley after Ben was born we each shared our birth stories on the first day. I was stunned that no matter how the woman delivered (c-section, vaginally, epidural, no epidural etc) she felt shame. I realized that we just could not win. After having two c-sections, it has been such a gift to be a witness at several births. It has helped me understand my own experiences birthing children and to come to term with some things that were confusing to me.
Watching baby Keller arrive was such a moving experience. It was the first birth I had photographed at a birth center and watched baby come out in a bathtub. It was such a smooth transition from the womb into this world. And mom was a warrior. For a first time mom she bowled me over with her strength and resolve. Even when she faltered, I knew she would go the distance.
It is hard to watch someone in so much physical pain. There is the knee jerk reaction of wanting to fix it and stop the pain. It is much harder to sit with it, to sit with someone who is hurting so badly. I had to fight that impulse and remind myself that taking care of my client in that way is not why I was there. There were other people whose job that was. I was there to do a different job. And I was happy to do it.
