Sam is definitely a daddy's boy. Ben loved being with both of us as a baby, but I think he was a bit more attached to me. But not Sam. He is all about his dad, especially once I stopped nursing him. In many ways I am grateful for the break, but I must admit at being a bit jealous at others. It feels like a sneak peek of the future. I grew up in a family that was dominated by testosterone. I wanted a sister SO badly. And when I was little I said that when I grew up and had babies that I wanted two girls, but somewhere I just knew that I would have two boys. And here we are.So I dread the allegiance of gender and the inevitable distancing from mom. I know it will come and that I will never be ready for it. Josh and Ben were talking in the car yesterday on the way to pick up Noah for the Maker's Faire. Ben said something about Josh and Ben being two boys. So Josh asked if Noah was a boy and Ben said yes. Then Ben pointed out that Sam also was a boy. So Josh asked if mommy was a boy and Ben said, "No. Mommy is a girl. She is the only one."
Daddy's Boy
in portraits
Yesterday morning I was trying to find Talullah so that she would go outside and do her business before I left to take the boys to school. So I called her over and over and Ben started to call her too. Then Sam got in on the action saying' Ooola'. Ben and I look perplexed. Sam looked at us incredulously with his hand pointing downward towards the floor. And there was Lula, who had been there the whole time. Sam and Lula looked at us like we were the village idiots. And I suppose we now officially are.
It is hard to be the second child, but you handle it with style. If you cry and your needs are not met right away, you just cry louder. Smart boy. You are incredibly curious. Everything demands a touch and a trip into your little mouth. If it meets with your approval at that stage then it needs to take a few spins around the room, while still in your mouth. Then it needs to be banged on the table a few times to see what sound it makes. You are also highly independent. You won't let me feed you because you want to do it yourself. You with a spoon and a container of yogurt make for some crazy kitchen art. You don't want to sit still for even a quick diaper change. It has become a crazy sport just to get a dirty diaper off of you.
You are so like and unlike your brother at the same time. You think that the sun rises and sets with Ben. Every morning when we drive to school you and Ben laugh almost the whole way there. The sound is like music to me (at least for the first ten minutes). Sometimes when I pick you up at school, I see that you are happily playing, before you have a chance to see me. But once you see me you cry and reach for me as if you have been saving up all of your fears and unhappiness until you could see me or your dad again. You laugh when I throw you up in the air and clap your hands when I sing. When you smile it lights up the room so that I am almost blinded by my love for you.
I am often plagued by doubt about the things I do and the directions I take in life. But you and your brother are the two things of which I am the most proud. You are two people that I cannot believe came from me. I am flawed, but you, my dear, are perfect. Simply perfect.
Love, Mommy
My dear friend 
