portraits

Special Texas Moments

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I had not one but TWO special Texas moments today. The first was driving by the Texas School for the Blind with a sign wishing everyone a Happy Thanksgiving and then said FOOD FAMILY FRIENDSHIP FOOTBALL. Oh yes let's NOT forget the football. I wonder what would happen if I hung that sign in Berkeley. Actually, I know exactly what would happen. Not only would people object to the football reference but they would have to assemble to debate Thanksgiving as a valid US holiday considering the mistreatment of Native Americans. Not to mention what is happening in Iraq.The other special moment was when I walked out of the UPS store and went to put Sam's car seat in the back seat when I saw that not only had somebody in a HUGE red truck parked VERY close to me, but they also had three large dogs in the front seat, with the window down, barking like crazy as if to say "Come near us lady and we WILL take your head off". Luckily the gentleman who owned this car came out and kindly offered to get out of my way and apologized for parking so closely. Then when it took awhile for him to start his car he peeked out of the driver's side to share with me how pesky his breathalyzer was that is attached to his car because it takes 30 seconds before he can start his car up. Now THAT is a new one.

Sloppy Seconds

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2038628470_e9e5b092e0_o.jpgIt's got to be tough to be the second child (not to mention the third or fourth). Ben's infanthood was pretty idylliic. He cried, I immediately soothed. Sam cries and I say "I'll be there in a minute Sam," which if course really means ten minutes. Because at that point I am usually trying to keep Ben from breaking his neck jumping off the couch or lighting the house on fire. Sometimes I feel so badly for Sam. As my mom says, it will probably make him a better person, but I grieve for the loss of the infant love affair I was able to have with Ben. When it was just he and I being lazy in bed all day. We just slept and nursed and I read to him. It was such a wonderful time. For Sam it is quite a different existence. His comings and goings are dictated by everyone else's needs and schedules. At least he and I have Tuesdays and Thursdays together alone. Once we drop Ben off at school and run a few errands (you'd be shocked how often one person can go to Costco) we come home and have some quiet time. I usually have to work some, but we get a little snuggle time in. I took six months off of working with Ben, but I have been too anxious to get back to work this time. It is so hard to put your career on hold for so long and then ramp up to get back into it. And I am so lucky to like what I do that I want to get back to it quickly. I just hope that Sammy doesn't feel cheated. I want him to know how much he is loved and how important he is to us even if he must live amongst the chaos of our lives.

Trick or Treat

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halloween_07.jpgThis was Ben's first year trick-or-treating. He didn't really get the concept. He kept trying to take his costume off and he insisted I carry him. After carrying his 40 pound body to 5 houses I told him we would have to quit. I was sweating like a pig. Welcome to Halloween in Texas. But I think he got more pleasure from holding the candy bowl at our house when the other kids came by anyway.

How Texas Made Me a Bad Recycler

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I was such a good recycler in Berkeley. We recycled everything and painstakingly broke down all of our boxes and tied them up with string so the recycling truck would take them. Here it's a different story. We do have curbside recycling but they will only take paper, aluminum and plastic. No glass and no cardboard. Oy! I find myself not buying things at the grocery store if they are packaged in glass in favor of their plastic encased counterparts. And then we have all of our cardboard and glass piling up in the garage until we take it to the recycling center on the other side of town. How often do you think THAT will happen? Right.

Snip, Snip

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IMGP1784.jpgWhen Ben was eight days old he had a bris. The photo above is of him on the day of the ceremony being held by his great grandparents, Elmer and Lelah. When I was pregnant with him and we decided to have him circumcised it was not a really hard decision for me to make. It was important to Josh and I figured that every male I had known had survived it so how bad could it be? Once Ben was here in the flesh it was terrifying. I wanted to escape the morning of the ceremony with my son (who I figured had come out perfect just the way he was) so that I could keep him intact. I settled for leaving the room during the actual cutting part. All in all the pressure was relieved a bit by the fact that we had our friends and family present and that we had helped write the ceremony and had family and friends participating in the readings. So it really felt like we were welcoming Ben into the world. Sam's bris yesterday was not at all like Ben's and for that I mostly blame myself. When we had the sonogram where we found out Sam was a boy my heart sank a bit. Not because I didn't want to have another boy, but because I was hoping to avoid the whole circumcision decision. I knew that another bris was going to be unavoidable so I told Josh that he had to deal with the whole thing and that I didn't want to invite anyone etc. And now I wish I had made more of an effort to have people we have met here in Austin to come and celebrate Sam's arrival in some fashion rather than just survive the whole ordeal. It was unfair to Sam. I didn't even take a single photograph. If I had it to do over again I would make an effort to invite the people who have opened their hearts to us in Austin and to join us in celebrating this joyous new addition to our family. Even if I still had to leave the room.

The Advent

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Sam was born last Thursday afternoon. We actually had an appointment for his birth. It was very surreal indeed. Josh and I dropped Ben at school and then headed for the hospital. Like any other normal day, but not. We get to the registration desk and I say something like "I am here to give birth" while having no contractions, no broken water, etc and feeling like an idiot. Like I am pretending to be pregnant and about to have a baby.They settle us in with our nurse. Yep, he was all ours until after delivery (nice touch) and he was this amazing guy named John. John was very funny (thank GOD) and an excellent caretaker. Then I met with the anesthesiologist (my newest best friend). He was a doctor right out of soap opera casting—mid-30's, all-American looking guy. As he was injecting the spinal I was staring down at my legs and thinking that I really should have shaved them before coming in. Then they put me on the table, in came Josh looking like Marcus Welby and off we went. Everything went smoothly until they tried to get Sam to come OUT. Saying he was reluctant is an understatement. It took three people, putting all their weight on my belly to push him out. This kid did not want to come into the world. He knew a good deal when he saw it and life in the womb is not a bad way to spend your days. All that pushing was making me need to vomit so I informed soap opera doctor that he should get a basin if he didn't want me depositing last night's dinner on the floor and he gave me a shot of something that stopped the nausea immediately. And I was thinking what a handy guy he would be to have around ALL the time. Finally they got him out and brought him to me and he was Ben's doppelganger. It was almost eerie. As if I was living in the movie "Groundhog Day" and reliving Ben's birth again (except that this time the drugs did not make me shake). So I went to recvoery and Josh went to the nursery with Sam and John the perfect nurse brought me crushed ice and it might as well have been ice cream for how happy I was to have it. Then they settled us in our room and the next twelve hours were pretty blissful. Until I had to have the catheter out and actually get UP to go to the bathroom and once the killer pain drugs wore off. Then reality hit.

9 Days and Counting

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_MG_1553.jpg, originally uploaded by lazygirl.

until we leave for Texas. Thought I'd start getting ready by upsizing my drink size.

Friends

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_MG_0081_tb.jpg, originally uploaded by lazygirl.

We had dinner tonight with our friends Camille, Jason and Theo. It was such fun and I am getting sad to be leaving all of our people in the Bay Area in three short weeks. I can't imagine not being able to pop over to their house for a quick walk or jaunt to the park. Sigh.

The Hippie and the Soldier's Daughter

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I recently read a really great book written by an adult adoptee. It is called The Mistress's Daughter and is written by A.M. Homes. She doesn't sugar coat anything and writes not about growing up adopted but about her reunion with her birth parents.Almost all of these stories that one sees on 'Oprah' or reads about in magazines are uplifting and healing. In real life they are messy and unpredictable. In 2003 I had to do a thesis project at the the end of art school. Thesis is a bit of a misleading term. The idea was to make a proposal and then set out to prove or disprove it using the visual media of your choice. So I decided to do a film about my search for my birth parents. (You can see it here and/or hear me being interviewed on the radio about the project here—just click on Interview on KALX 12/2/2003). Once I found my birth parents and finished the film I thought that this was a chapter of my life that I could finally put to bed. But what happened next was the real surprise. Discovering where I had come from and the people who had brought me into this world, as well as bringing my own little person in the world, started to re-frame everything. And what followed was way more 'Jerry Springer' material than 'Oprah'. So I decided to re-visit those heady days after I found my birth parents. I want to pick up from where the film left off. And I want to write about it so I will never forget. Think of this as one of the old magazine serials. The story is too big and overwhelming to do in one chunk. So here goes...

Mood

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mood, originally uploaded by lazygirl.